just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
accomplished twins. life is a go
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
