I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
try to milk me bitch
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