you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Houston, we have a blender
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
