I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
