Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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