we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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