Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
