I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
