the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
