life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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