Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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