It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
