We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
