You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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