Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
