if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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