dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
