I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
