I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
