Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
