i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
