Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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