I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
