I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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