Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
