i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
