plz talk dirty to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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