The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
