You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
