I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
