You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
