halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
