3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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