I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
birth control should be required to get into college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
