This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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