That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
