White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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