No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
