It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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