Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This house was built for laser tag.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
