I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
