Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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