Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
