i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
