thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's official drugs can't kill me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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