You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
God, I missed his penis.
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