Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
