I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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