My nipple is on Facebook.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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