I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
