It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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