There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
