Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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