She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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