It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
