I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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