I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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