We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
