so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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