and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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