I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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