Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
