My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
