I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just want to make out with him forever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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