ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
