with your own penis?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
