I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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