I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
