Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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