You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
