Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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