So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
